Healthy Marriages Grand Rapids

Celebrate Marriage Luncheon with Dan Seaborn on February 6

Bring your spouse to lunch and start building the Necessary Nine in your relationship

When it comes to marriage, some things are just necessary! So says Winning at Home's own Dan Seaborn, who has determined that the following nine actions will help couples stay married:

(1) Establish Cherishing Attitudes, (2) Pursue Financial Security, (3) Discover Sexual Satisfaction, (4) Spend Time Together, (5) Develop Genuine Friendship, (6) Value Physical Attraction, (7) Cultivate Emotional Oneness, (8) Guard Home Harmony, and (9) Build Spiritual Fusion.

Indeed, these are the "must-do's" for anyone who has said "I do." And although the list may look simple enough, Seaborn makes sure couples understand the "how to" part of developing and maintaining a healthy and successful marriage. Dan will share his dynamic presentation that challenges couples to keep the passion and commitment in their relationship, proving that marriage can last a lifetime and that couples can grow deeper in love with each passing year.  His personal stories and illustrations are sure to make you smile. Bring your spouse and be ready for a luncheon date filled with "Nine Elements" for encouraging and uplifting your marriage.

For more information about Dan Seaborn, click here.

The Marriage and Family Building Series, now in its ten year, is specifically designed to equip pastors, clinicians and lay-leaders with up-to-date and effective tools for strengthening marriages. The Series was created to address the needs of busy, overworked pastors, church staff, lay-leaders, and clinicians who have little time to keep up with the fast-paced and increasing demands of the hurting couples and families they serve. Timed over lunch (with lunch included) to minimize time away from work, and designed for "bullet-point" takeaways to maximize resource building, the series brings in a host of national and local experts on the topics of marriage and family.

The next Series event will be geared toward pastors, clinicians, teachers and leaders who work with adolescents: Dr. Ryan Jaarsma and Pastor Steve Carter will present "PRE-Premarital Preparation: Reaching Youth Before It's Too Late" on March 12, 2008.

For more information about the Marriage & Family Building Series, click here.

The Third Option: Who's really to blame?

The Third Option is a peer ministry and a psycho-educational program offered to couples at no-cost. It combines a support group, mentor couples, and workshops on relationship skills. The Third Option can be both a stepping-stone to counseling and/or an adjunct to it. The second workshop topic is on responsibility and the blame game...

Option 1: Be an under-responsible partner.

Option 2: Be an overly responsible partner.

Option 3:  Learn to find the middle ground of a healthy relationship: Become more fully responsible for yourself.

The Third Option is helping couples in West Michigan improve their relationships by teaching them about the healthy balance of responsibility in marriage. Under-responsibility occurs where one or both partners avoids responsibility by continually pointing the finger of blame at their spouse and refusing to face their own contribution to the problem.  The overly-responsible spouse takes on responsibilities which rightfully belong to the other, acting as a kind of "parent."  They help to a fault and try to fix everything.  The Third Option helps couples avoid the blame game and refocus on the Bill of Rights for Married Couples, which allows that each spouse has the right to:

1. Space and Privacy

2. Be Different

3. Disagree

4. Be Heard

5. Be Taken Seriously

6. Be Given the Benefit of the Doubt

7. Be Told the Truth

8. Be Consulted

9. Be Imperfect

10. Be Respected

For more information about The Third Option click here. 

Are you too busy to spend time with your spouse this Christmas?

Remember to keep marriage a priority during this busy season...

Do you get so busy at Christmas that you have a hard time spending time with your spouse? Are you under so much stress during the holidays that you get testy with each other? The holiday season can be an exciting time of the year, but it can also strain on marriage relationships. Read on to discover keys to making your "C.H.R.I.S.T.M.A.S " a romantic time of year.  Take time to enjoy each other's company and build memories that you will treasure for years to come.

C: Celebrate Your Love. Christmas is a celebration of the Christ child's birth, but it can also be a good time to celebrate your love for each other. These other tips will give you ideas how to do that.

H: Hand-in-Hand. Take advantage of the romance of the season. Stroll hand-in-hand or drive through the neighborhood looking at the twinkling lights. Snuggle in front of a fire and listen to Christmas carols. There are plenty of opportunities for romance if you just look for it.

R: Relax. During the holidays, you may tend to overextend yourself with holiday preparations, shopping, parties, etc. Then, you get to the point that you are irritable and just can't wait for the holidays to be over. One good way to prevent this is to be realistic in what you can accomplish. Scale back on your decorations, get your shopping done early, and learn to say, "No, thank you" to some of your party invitations. Then you can sit back, relax, and enjoy the season together.

I: Integrate Family Holiday Traditions. One of the challenges in marriage is to learn how to integrate both of your family traditions to form one that is uniquely yours. This takes skillful negotiation and compromise. Each of you may need to give up some of your traditions and continue others. Keep working at it until you find something that works for both of you.

S: Set a Reasonable Spending Limit. It is tempting to do impulse buying and spend too much money on Christmas presents. Sit down before starting to shop and make a holiday budget, then stick to it. Spending too much money can cause stress in your relationship. Staying within a reasonable budget can take some of that strain off your marriage.

T: Take Time Together. You may get so wrapped up in work and family celebrations that you neglect your marriage during the holiday season. Set aside time for each other.

M: Make Holiday Memories. There are many ways to make holiday memories together. Here are just a few ideas: go on a hayride at a Christmas tree farm, go caroling, take a weekend trip centered on a holiday theme, go on a holiday tour of homes, or decorate your tree together.

A: Assess Your Relationship. With New Year's resolutions around the corner, this is a good time to take an assessment of your marriage. What are the strengths of your relationship and how can you build on those strengths? What can you do to make your marriage even better?

S: Shopping Can Be A Great Date Activity. Going Christmas shopping can be a great date activity. You get to spend time with each other and enjoy the holiday decorations. If you pay attention, you can get some great gift ideas for your mate.

By Laurel Barnet

For more information, click here.

SmartMarriage.com 

Feature of the Month

The Evidence Mounts: Stable Marriage & Happy Kids

The trends, increasingly evident in the growing body of medical and sociological Statistics, confirm what the Church has always taught; intact, stable, marriages between a man and a woman, create the healthiest and happiest environments for the rearing and nurture of children.

The increasing trend toward cohabitation as an alternative to marriage brings with it severe disadvantages for children. The latest confirmation of how children suffer when brought up outside a stable marriage between a man and a woman came in a lengthy article published Nov.

18 by the Associated Press.

The article reviewed evidence from a variety of sources, and commented that many scholars and social workers "say the risk of child abuse is markedly higher in the nontraditional family structures."

Among the studies cited by the Associated Press was that published in the journal of the American Academy of Pediatrics in 2005. The journal reported that children living in households with unrelated adults are nearly 50 times as likely to die of inflicted injuries as children living with two biological parents.

Children living in stepfamilies or with single parents are at higher risk of physical or sexual assault, according to several studies co-authored by David Finkelhor, director of the University of New Hampshire's Crimes Against Children Research Center, the article continued.

"The risk (of abuse) to children outside a two-parent household is greater,'' Susan Orr, a child-welfare specialist in the Department of Health and Human Services, told the Associated Press.

The problem exists outside the United States also. On April 15 a British newspaper, the Sunday Telegraph, reported that seven children under age 16 had been murdered in London alone in the previous two months. Many crimes such as these are being committed by juveniles, the paper noted.

The news prompted politicians to promise more funding for disadvantaged communities, but the article commented that one of the main problems is that adolescents brought up in a single-parent family are more likely to end up in criminal activities. No fewer than 70% of young offenders are from single-parent families.

For the rest of the article, click here.

Stable Marriage and Happy Kids

Catholic.com

By Father John Flynn, LC

For more information on SmartMarriages

click here.